“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
– The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
Once again, I am at a crossroads of my career. If I continue on the current path, I can finally slow down, and enjoy the fruits from years of hard work. I can comfortably support my boys until they finish their high school.
Most people probably would choose this path. Isn’t it an easy road to travel on? Why am I so unsettled?
Like Robert Frost’s poem, my heart always seems to take me to a less travelled road. I often see myself living in a future land surrounded by the beautiful and colourful scenery. On the other side of the land, there is a dark patch which represents the past. The further the distance is, the darker it appears.
This colour contrast of future, present and past is consistent with my timeline perception. A future date is always bright. When today becomes yesterday, it automatically turns dark in my mind.
Interestingly, last three months, I have noticed the significant change in my perception of “future”. A thought of “future” used to evoke yellow and gold, bright but simple. Now, I perceive “future” in a mixture of pink, purple and blue with patches of clouds. It is a view of an expanse of sky which is magical.
Subconsciously, I am aware of the reason of this change. The synesthetic perception was deeply influenced by two sets of photos I saw within a short space: one set was a skyscape of Shanghai, my childhood home; the other set was the sky of Melbourne, my home of the last 26 years, setting on fire.
The new perception change has brought out a much stronger sensation of me living in the future filled with happiness and excitement, with a touch of loneliness. My body and soul were awaken by the beautiful sensation. My crave for the future has led me to create a new business called ”iFuture Services”. While I was creating the website, one picture in the web builder really stood out as it was the closest to my perception of future. So I have chosen it for my home page.
I started thinking more and more about my new adventure: the business model, core services I want to provide, a Thomas Edison style invention factory in which I can experiment new inventions and innovative ideas. Colours were dancing around my thoughts, dominated by pink and purple, and getting extremely intense.
Today, I re-looked at the picture I have chosen for my home page, and have observed something extraordinary. A pier in the middle, which symbolised a road, has divided the view into two distinct sections. On the right hand side, the sunset filled the sky with orange and yellow, similar to how I used to perceive the future. On the left hand side, there was an expansive skyscape, my new way of thinking about the future. I sense that my fate is calling.
Reading a passage I wrote four months ago when I was struggling with my internal conflict, I know I am a step closer to live for my dream.
“I feel I have been, and perhaps forever will be, living with an internal conflict. My mind, body and soul are often placed in different places.
I lead a western style life, but am trying hard to hold on to the Chinese cultural value. I work for a large corporation like a well fed caged bird, longing to fly away. I have searched for spirituality, after spending my childhood under the communist regime.
Every time, when I get away from the bustling city life, and return to the nature where my soul belongs, I feel in that sudden moment of relaxation, the internal conflict escalates to a new level.
The dream of myself living on our own organic produce, sipping Chinese tea collected after fresh spring rain, writing heartbreaking stories and poems, dancing on a stage with mountains and lakes being my sole audience, I sadly find myself forever live in a dream.”
(Image source: Shanghai social media and Melbourne Life)